Miraculous Square (Oneshot)
by Dashistna
Summary: When Alya and Nino decide to help Marinette, Adrien, Ladybug, and Cat Noir sit down and sort out their feelings for each other, they may have bitten off more than they could chew to get the whole group together.


Time: 7 h 55 in the morning

Location: Outside school

"Wait, _what_?!" Alya demanded, her eyes widening. "You're serious?"

"Would I lie to you?" Nino asked. "I'm telling you, it's true!"

"If your intel is true, then this is huge! But it makes an uncomfortable square."

"A square? What do you mean?"

"Well," Alya said, "you say that Adrien accidentally let on that he likes Ladybug?"

"Yeah," Nino said.

"But we can also tell that he likes Marinette, even though he doesn't seem to realize it."

"Right."

"And if my observations are right, Ladybug likes Adrien."

"So that's a love triangle," Nino said.

"Right," agreed Alya. "But I've also observed that Ladybug likes Cat Noir. She doesn't realize it, though."

"Okay, so Marinette likes Adrien, right?"

"You could say that," Alya said.

"I could… say that?" Nino asked.

"The girl keeps a huge chart of his monthly schedule in her bedroom."

"Got it. So that makes this a… love… um… yeah, we didn't get that far in geometry yet."

"This will come back to bite them, you know. Two of them are our heroes, and the other two are our friends. We've got to help them out!"

"What can we do? It's not really our business to meddle."

"We won't be meddling," Alya said. "Just force them to talk to each other or something."

"How are we going to do that?"

"Hmmm… I've got it!"

–

Time: 8 h 57 in the morning

Location: Hallway at school

"Why do you need me to be at the Lieu de Pâtes Italiennes?" Marinette asked.

"Just trust me, girl. You'll want to be there," Alya said, her dark eyes twinkling with mischief. "Adrien will be there."

"A- Adrien?! What if I choke on spaghetti and look weird in front of him? What if I get sauce on my shirt? What if I accidentally chew with my mouth open in front of him? What if he thinks I eat weird and decides that the two of us are incompatible? What if I eat something with garlic and my breath smells?"

"Relax. You know you want to be there."

"But… but… but… what time should I be there?" Marinette asked sheepishly.

"Be there tonight for dinner, around 5 in the afternoon."

–

Time: 9 h 1 in the morning

Location: Hallway at school

"Italian? I haven't had Italian in forever!" Adrien said.

"So, you'll be there? It's that new place downtown," Nino said. "Lieu de Pâtes Italiennes. Be there at 5 in the afternoon."

"Awesome!"

–

Time: 10 h 29 in the morning

Location: Classroom

"Class, there has been another attack by an Akuma. Gather your things, but stay in the classroom. Don't go near the windows," Ms. Bustier instructed.

The students gasped. Rose looked nervously at the windows. Nino looked over at the door, wondering if he should lock it. Chloé started to dial her father's number. Nathaniel carefully packed away his art supplies, safe from harm. In the midst of the fear, Adrien's hand shot up.

"Ms. Bustier? Could I use the bathroom?" he asked.

"I hardly think this is a good time, Adrien," his teacher said.

"But I've really got to go."

"We are in the middle of an emergency," Ms. Bustier informed him.

"No, _I'm_ in the middle of an emergency!" Adrien said. "I've gotta go!" He jumped up and dashed out the door before Nino could grab his arm. He ran around the corner before stopping and looking down at his Kwami. "Plagg, it's time to transform!"

Meanwhile, back in the classroom, everyone was staring at the door. The only exception was Marinette, who was jumping up. "I'd better go bring Adrien back," she said.

"You can't go!" Alya said. "There's a monster out there!"

"And I can't let Adrien run into it!" Marinette protested.

"Hey, if anyone is going to go after my Adri-kins, it's me!" Chloé protested, glaring jealously at Marinette.

"That's enough!" Ms. Bustier said. "No one is leaving this room. It's dangerous out there. You could get hurt!"

"Oooooh, hurt!" Marinette said, forcing an awkward shocked look on her face. "That could mean blood! That makes me want to faint! I'd better run to the bathroom and splash water on my face! I won't be long!" She slipped out the door before Alya or Nino had time to stop her.

She dashed around the same corner that Adrien had stopped at just a minute before. "Tikki, time to move!"

Tikki emerged from Marinette's clutch purse. "Really, Marinette? You feel like fainting? Seriously?"

"I didn't have time to think of anything else," Marinette said. "And we've got to go! Tikki, spots on!"

As she was transforming, her classmates were staring, once again, at the door. "I've got to bring them both back," Alya exclaimed, jumping up.

"No," Nino said, grabbing her arm. "I know you want nothing more than to get them back, but it's too dangerous." His eyes reflected concern. "If anyone goes, it's me!"

"You will do no such thing!" Ms. Bustier said, stepping in front of the door. "The authorities will never be able to contain the threat if you're all running around Paris! Stay in your seats."

–

Time: 1 h 21 in the afternoon

Location: Outside Paris City Hall

"Pound it!" Ladybug and Cat Noir said, the now-harmless person behind them and they bumped fists.

"What- what happened?" the man asked, puzzled.

"Let's just say, you're the one who let the dogs out," Cat Noir said, winking at Ladybug. She rolled her eyes at his understatement – the man, while akumatized, had freed all the dogs at a famous dog show.

"Yes!" Alya cried, running up. "I've been waiting to get a picture of that!" She twisted her phone around to show a photo of Ladybug's and Cat Noir's fist bump.

"Hey, that's an awesome picture!" Ladybug said.

"Thanks!" Alya said. "It's going on the Ladyblog for sure!"

"We appreciate everything you do to tell our story," Ladybug said.

"Yeah, we really owe you one!" Cat Noir said.

"Oh, really?" Alya said. "I've got some friends who would love to meet you! Would you be willing to meet them?"

"Sure!" Ladybug said. "When and where?"

"At the Lieu de Pâtes Italiennes, the new Italian restaurant. 5 this afternoon!" Alya didn't notice as Ladybug and Cat Noir gulped. "See you there!"

–

Time: 3 h 19 in the afternoon

Location: Alya's house

 _Knock, knock._

Alya opened the door. "Marinette!" she exclaimed, wrapping Marinette in a tight hug. "I was getting worried! Are you okay? What happened? Did you see Ladybug and Cat Noir today? Where were you?!"

"I'm fine, Alya," Marinette reassured her. "I just had to… splash a lot of water on my face."

"For the past five hours?"

"Uh… as I said, a _lot_ of water," Marinette said. "Anyway, I can't make it tonight."

"Come on, girl, you've got to!" Alya protested. "I've got some surprise guests going!"

"Uh, yeah, surprises often make me nervous. I might want to faint again."

"Nope, you'll be there and you'll enjoy it! You are not leaving my presence until we get there! That's what friends are for."

"Yay," Marinette said flatly, her eyes on her purse with Tiki inside. _Now what?_

–

Time: 3 h 23 in the afternoon

Location: Nino's house

 _Ding-dong._

Nino peeked out the dog door. "Adrien, my man!" he said. "Come in!" He jumped up and opened up the door. "Where have you been?"

"I was in the bathroom, remember?" Adrien said.

"For five hours?"

"I _really_ had to go."

"Fair enough," Nino agreed.

"Anyway, I can't go tonight. Something came up and the Gorilla will never let me go."

"You escape your bodyguard all the time," Nino said. "Please? Do it for me?"

Adrien signed. "I'd love to, but…"

"No buts about it," Nino said. "You're going, even if I have to drag you."

"Hurray," Adrien said, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

–

Time: 5 h 02 in the afternoon

Location: Lieu de Pâtes Italiennes

The table was set with six chairs, in the most secluded table in the restaurant. Alya and Nino were sitting there expectantly, with Marinette and Adrien sitting there uncomfortably.

"Our surprise guests should be here any second now," Nino said. "They'll be totally awesome!"

Adrien sat still, looking for an escape. His eyes darted around the room. Nothing, nothing, nothing… yes!

"If you'll excuse me, I've got business to attend to," he said, gesturing to the arrow pointing in the direction of the bathroom.

"Come on, you were in there five hours earlier," Nino said. Alya and Marinette gave Adrien funny looks.

"Yeah, I won't take quite that long this time," Adrien said.

"Hurry back," Alya said. "They'll be here any second."

"Well, now they will," Adrien murmured, striding in the direction of the men's room.

Marinette, Alya, and Nino made small talk about the Ladyblog for the next minute or two. Suddenly, the window flew open next to them and Cat Noir popped up into it. "I _purred_ you were looking for a cat?" he asked. "Not to worry – I'm housebroken." Marinette made an effort not to roll her eyes.

"So, any sign of Miladybug?" Cat Noir asked, his eyes darting around.

"She'll be here any minute, I'm sure of it," Alya said.

"And Adrien, one of our friends, should be back any minute," Marinette said.

" _Pawsome_ ," Cat Noir said. He popped into a chair.

They sat there.

Alya cleared her throat.

Marinette coughed.

They sat some more.

Nino twiddled his thumbs.

"Where Ladybug?" Cat Noir wondered.

Alya shifted her weight.

"And where's Adrien?" pondered Marinette.

Nino tilted his head.

They sat a bit longer.

Marinette jumped up. She couldn't wait any longer. "Ah – you know, I think I left my sewing machine on! Better go check!" She dashed out of the building and ran to the left.

"That's odd," Alya said.

Nino tilted his head. "Hmm, Adrien's been a few minutes now."

Alya adjusted her glasses.

Cat Noir jumped up. "I think I left Marinette's sewing machine on, too! I've got to check! Safety first!" He scurried outside and ran the opposite direction that Marinette did.

Alya and Nino stared at each other. This was weird behavior.

Ladybug came swooping through the window, her yo-yo retracting into her hand. "I heard there was a party!" she said.

"Ladybug! Glad you could be here!" Nino said. "Our friends and Cat Noir should be back any minute."

"Sounds great!" She took a seat.

Adrien came around the corner again. "Ah, much better now." His stomach turned to mush when he saw who was there. "H- Hello, Ladybug!" He didn't feel as confident without his costume.

Ladybug turned to him, feeling like there was an army of akumas in her stomach. "H- Hi, Adrien!" She had to remind herself to remain confident. After all, she was a superhero!

Adrien took his seat. "Now, where'd Marinette go?" he asked innocently.

"She went to see if she left her sewing machine on," Nino said. "Cat Noir went to check, too."

"Huh," Adrien said. "Odd one, that Cat Noir is."

They sat, thankful that their chairs were comfortable.

The waiter came, and they told him they weren't ready yet.

Nino scratched his nose.

Adrien flicked some hair from his face.

Ladybug tried not to let her heart melt at that, so she fiddled with her napkin.

Adrien tried not to let his heart melt at that, so he looked down.

Ladybug noticed Alya looking at her watch. "Ah, you know what? I… uh…" she tossed her yo-yo out the window. "Oh, look, I've got to go get that!" She jumped after it.

"…Okay?" Nino puzzled. "Hopefully Cat Noir will show up soon."

Adrien looked around again for an excuse, but only saw the same things as last time, despite his eyes darting around for a good minute. He sighed, pushed his chair back, and stood. "Duty calls."

"What do you mean, duty calls?" Alya demanded.

"You know…" Adrien said sheepishly, gesturing toward the bathroom sign.

"What? You just got back from there!" Alya said.

"What can I say? My dad says that you should never pass up a chance to use the bathroom," Adrien said. "There are many things guaranteed in life, but bathrooms are not one of them."

"Just hurry back," Alya said, fighting the urge to strangle him.

As Adrien was going toward the men's room, he and Marinette made eye contact as she was coming in the restaurant.

Marinette made her was back to the table. Alya turned to her. "It was the craziest thing ever!" she said. "Ladybug jumped out the window to get her yo-yo and didn't come in yet!"

"Don't worry, she's Ladybug! She'll be fine, I'm sure!" Marinette said.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a couple minutes before Alya spoke up again. "If she doesn't come in within a minute, I'm going to get worried and call the police for help."

"Aaaaaah, no, that's not necessary!" Marinette said. Alya looked at her funny. "What I mean is, I'm good at finding her! I can look." Marinette spun around and sprinted back outside.

"What's with everyone today?" Nino puzzled as Cat Noir strode over.

"I know, right?" Cat Noir said. "It's like the cat got their tongues."

A minute passed. "Alright, that's it!" Alya exclaimed. "Ladybug probably got hurt or something!"

"Not to worry!" Ladybug said, striding in the door. "I'm fine! Funny story about a bicycle, a tulip, and a very anxious puppy, but it's all okay now! I don't even have puppy-teeth marks in my yo-yo!"

"I'm sure you would rather hang out with a cat, anyway," Cat Noir said, a hopeful grin on his face.

"Don't get your hopes up, kitty," Ladybug said, not able to keep the amused smile off her face.

"I wonder what's taking Adrien so long," Alya said. "He agreed to hurry."

"Hmm, I hope he isn't sick or something," Ladybug said, worriedly.

Cat Noir heard the worry in her voice and wanted to make her relieved. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Nino asked.

"I'm going to help Adrien in the bathroom," Cat Noir said. "Won't take long." He strode confidently toward the bathroom. It was only when he was halfway there that he realized what he said and started mentally kicking himself.

Back at the table, the others all took a moment to process what he said. Their heads slowly turned toward Ladybug.

"Hey, don't look at me," Ladybug said. "I just fight crime with that guy."

In the bathroom, Cat Noir deactivated. Plagg collapsed on the floor, laughing hysterically. "You must be so embarrassed!" he said, gasping for air.

"Oh, hush, I know. In front of Ladybug, too!"

"If we keep up all these transformations, I'll need nutrition."

"Plagg…"

"Cheese, Adrien. Give me cheese."

"Plagg…"

"Camembert, Adrien."

"Where am I supposed to get you Camembert?"

"This is a restaurant."

"Yeah, an Italian one. Why would they have French cheese?"

"I don't know, Adrien. Figure it out."

Adrien sighed. "Fine, I'll try."

At the table, Ladybug was growing uncomfortable by the questions she was getting about where Marinette was. "Um, I'll go outside and try to get her in faster. Then I need to check some super important stuff… you know, akumas and such… so I'll be a few minutes. Go ahead and order without me. I'll be back."

"Okay, we'll be looking forward to you getting back. When you do, maybe I can ask you a few questions for the Ladyblog!" Alya said.

"Sounds good!" Ladybug said. She went out the door, stepping behind a tree. She transformed. "Sorry this is taking so many transformations, Tikki!" she said.

"That's okay, Marinette. You have to try to keep both of your promises to Alya. I'll be fine as long as I take naps between."

"Thanks, Tikki! You're the best!" Marinette said. Tikki settled into the purse, and Marinette went back inside.

"Marinette! There you are, girl!" Alya said. "I was wondering!"

"Yep! Ladybug reminded me to hurry. I got distracted by a very anxious puppy."

"Poor puppy," Nino observed.

Adrien strode over. "Hey, guys. Sorry for taking so long."

"Yeah, thank goodness for Cat Noir, right?" Nino said. Alya jabbed her elbow into his ribs. "What?" Nino asked.

Adrien blushed a little and sat down. Marinette tried not to flip out seeing him so close – and she without her mask to give her confidence! She fiddled with her napkin again.

Adrien looked at her. Hmm, something was so familiar! She was kind of cute like that… wait, what? His heart was sold to Ladybug! So weird that he would think that way. He must be really distracted. "By the way," he said, "Cat Noir said he'd be a few minutes and that we should go ahead and order without him."

"Oh, then we're all set to order," said Marinette. Alya signalled the waiter.

"What will it be?" the waiter asked.

" _Cheese,"_ a voice whispered. _"Give me cheese."_

Adrien's eyes widened and he stiffened. Plagg.

All eyes turned toward Adrien. For some reason, Marinette felt Tikki jump up in her purse.

 _"Cheese,"_ the voice continued. _"Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeessse."_

Adrien gulped. "Um, cheese. I would like to order some cheeeeeeeeeeessse, please."

"Certainly. We have a very large selection of both Italian and French cheeses. What type would you like to order?" the waiter asked.

"French, too?" Adrien asked.

 _"_ _Camembert,"_ came the voice again. _"Camembert. Camembert. Camemmmmmbeeeerrrt."_

Adrien cleared his throat. "As I just indicated, I like Camembert."

"Yes, sir. And in what portion size?" asked the waiter.

"Something small," Adrien said. "Something I can fit in my pocket."

The waiter blinked twice. "In… in your pocket?"

"Of course. The other patrons of this restaurant would find it weird if they saw me carrying the Camembert to the restroom."

"You're going to the bathroom again? And to eat cheese?" Alya asked.

"Of course. It's a guy thing. Right, Nino?"

"Uh, sure, bro."

Sure enough, once their food was delivered, Adrien took the Camembert, put it in his pocket, and went to the bathroom. "Hey, while you're in there, could you tell Cat Noir to hurry?" Nino asked.

"You got it," Adrien said. He went inside the bathroom, closed the door, and sighed in relief. "I thought I'd never get out of that one. I hope your stinky cheese is worth it."

"Cheeeeessse!" Plagg drooled, plopping it in his mouth.

"Let's get back out there. Plagg, claws out!"

Cat Noir strode back out to the table, motioning for the waiter to give his order – he ordered tuna, of course. "Now, to complete my happy place, all we need is Ladybug."

"Yeah, she should be back by now," said Nino.

Marinette stuttered, spilling a little sauce on her shirt. "Oh, look at that. I'm so clumsy!" she said.

"Girl, you're just nervous because you-know-who was just in the room," Alya whispered. "You just need more confidence!"

"Yeah, I'll work on that… once I've rinsed this out. I'll be back." Marinette slipped away.

She slipped into the ladies' room, opening her purse. "Tikki, what was the matter back there, when you jumped?"

"Oh, I… thought I heard someone I knew. It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Marinette. It's fine."

"Okay. Tikki, spots on!"

Ladybug walked over to the table. "Adrien's not back yet?" she asked innocently.

"Nope, he was back. But he's in the bathroom again, eating Camembert," Alya said. "It's apparently a guy thing."

"And I always thought that was just a Cat Noir thing," Ladybug said. She looked at Cat Noir. "Could you go make sure Adrien didn't choke or something?"

"Sure, Milady. Anything for you." Cat Noir waltzed off. Ladybug was so nice, to be concerned about him like that. It'd be nice if his own father cared about him as much as a superhero who didn't even realize that she knew him.

A minute later, Adrien came walking out of the bathroom. "Mmmm, that Camembert sure was good!" He looked around. "Where's Marinette?" He was unaware of the concern that showed in his eyes.

"She's just in the bathroom. You should know all about that," Alya said.

"Yeah, the two of you have similar hobbies," Nino said.

Ladybug tried hard not to blush. Adrien wondered why she was turning red. "Are you okay, Ladybug?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'd better splash some cold water on my face, though." She slipped over to the bathroom.

A minute later, Marinette came out. "Hey, you're flushed, too," Adrien said. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I… I– I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm fine because you're here. I mean, you, collectively, all of you. We're good. I mean, I'm good. I mean, um, uh…" she looked over Adrien's shoulder to see Alya motioning for her to calm down. "I mean, I'm fine."

"That's good," Adrien said.

"Hmmm, where's Cat Noir now?" Nino asked.

"He said he'd be a few minutes. He'll be along," Adrien said. He started looking long and hard for a way out of this without saying he was going to the bathroom again. Hmmm… a lamp stand… a potted plant… a portrait of some Italian guy… a couple wall hangings… his napkin…

"I, uh, need to take this napkin somewhere," he said.

"Where do you need to take a napkin?" asked Alya.

"To, uh… to… to the… to the bathroom!" Adrien gushed, immediately stomping on his own foot.

"Why? Is that another guy thing?"

"Sometimes," Nino said. "But only on Tuesdays, and today is Wednesday."

"Yes, I have other reasons," Adrien said.

"Like what?" Alya asked.

"No toilet paper. It's very important."

Alya sighed. "You've been there four times already. Plus, you were there for five hours earlier."

"Look, I've really got to go!" Adrien said. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "It's another emergency."

"Are you feeling okay, man? We're really starting to worry about you!" Nino said.

"Feeling okay? Yes… er… no?" Adrien said. "Gotta go, now!" He dashed off.

"If he's not feeling well, why didn't he just tell us?" Marinette asked.

"And why did he think he could get away with eating Camembert in there without us noticing?" Alya asked.

"Well, there's actually a reason, but it's a guy bathroom thing," Nino said. "I can explain it, if you want."

Alya and Marinette both instantly blushed, but Alya's darker skin tone didn't show it much. Marinette, on the other hand, turned bright red.

Cat Noir came strolling out. "Marinette, you're really flushed."

Alya looked closer at Marinette. "Wow, you really are flushed! And this is after seeming even more scatterbrained than usual today, and almost fainting this morning! Are you okay?"

"Okay? I'm fine… or maybe not," she said, her brain formulating a plan to get out of there. "I'm a little dizzy, come to think of it, and awfully hot. I'm going to splash some water on my face!"

She went to the bathroom, making one more transformation. She joined the others again.

"I'm really getting concerned," Cat Noir said. "Adrien's been sick all day, running to the bathroom whenever he gets the chance. Marinette's been feeling like she's going to faint."

"Yeah, and their symptoms are different," Ladybug said. "It's like there are a couple epidemics going around."

"It's probably best if everybody heads home for the day," Cat Noir said. "For your own safety, and so the diseases won't spread anymore."

"But what about our friends?" Alya asked.

"Yeah, we can't just leave them here!" Nino protested. "What about my man Adrien?"

"I'll make sure he's okay and take him home," Ladybug said.

"And what about Marinette? She's hardly in shape to be walking by herself!" Alya said.

"Not to worry, the cat's on the case!" Cat Noir promised.

"Just get home and stay there the rest of the day," Ladybug said. "We'll take care of the rest!"

After a little more insisting, the superheroes convinced Nino and Alya to head home.

Once they were gone, Ladybug knocked on the men's room door, stepping hesitantly inside. "Adrien? Are you okay?"

No answer. She checked all the stalls, but he wasn't there. Well, the room was empty. Time to deactivate and slip out of the restaurant, before Cat Noir came out of the other bathroom and saw her exiting the men's room – without her costime. She would have to search for Adrien, of course, but she could try calling him once she was away from the place.

Meanwhile, Cat Noir had a similar experience. Marinette didn't seem to be anywhere in the ladies' room. He deactivated, with the intention to slip away before Ladybug noticed him – without his costume – in the ladies' room. He could ask the Gorilla to stop by Marinette's house on the way home.

The two of them both peeked open the doors and looked out. Good, no one. They stepped out… a step further… good, no one. They turned to the side…

"Aaaaah!" yelped Marinette, upon seeing Adrien. "What were you doing in the ladies' room?!"

"Um, I… well, since you were in the men's room, I had to go somewhere. What were you doing in the men's room?"

"Well, ah, since you were in the ladies' room, I had to go somewhere," Marinette said.

"Oh," Adrien responded. They both tried to puzzle it out. Something didn't make sense…

"Did you see Ladybug in there?" Adrien asked. "Can she come out?"

"Uh, no, she can't! I mean, I didn't see her in there."

"That's odd."

"Yeah," Marinette agreed. "Did you see Cat Noir in there?"

"Nope, not a sign."

"Hmm, double odd."

"Yeah," Adrien nodded. "Well, I want to make sure you get home safely, since you weren't feeling well. I'm going to call the Gorilla up now. Ride with us. We'll drop you off."

"O-okay," Marinette said, to excited for words.

"Let's go," Adrien said, not realizing how happy he was to be spending time with her.

The two of them walked off into the evening of Paris, neither realizing just how much they enjoyed spending time with the other that day. Only one problem, Adrien realized. Of all the times he rushed over to the bathroom, he never actually used it. And now…

But he couldn't suggest going to the bathroom again, could he? That would be just embarrassing. But he really had to go, but he couldn't, but…

"Um, Marinette? Do you mind if I take a quick bathroom break first?"

 **THE END**


End file.
